Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Morning News Roundup

When Vice President Dick Cheney learned he would be asked to testify in Lewis "Scooter" Libby's trial, Cheney immediately invited his former Chief of Staff to go hunting with him. Libby is shown here recovering from being shot in the ass by the Vice President, and the Vice President is saying "I don't know, the gun must have slipped.

Libby was indicted in October 2005, and immediately resigned his post, all over those silly and insignificant charges that "he lied to a grand jury about his conversations with reporters about CIA operative Valerie Plame. White House critics have said that the leak was part of a campaign to undermine her husband, former envoy Joseph C. Wilson IV, who had accused the administration in a newspaper opinion piece of misleading the public on the case for war in Iraq."

Libby, of course, had more important things on his mind, like Turism and the war in Eye-Rack, and told NPR reporter Libby "Turtle" Lewis that any misstatements were simply the wanderings of an overworked public servant. Libby (Scooter) and his lawyers hope that Cheney's testimony will buttress that claim by pointing out the close working relationship between the Veep and his former lackey.

Attorney for Scooter Bill Jeffress said he's certain the Veep will cooperate, because "Resistance is futile." Lea Anne McBride, the vice president's press secretary, said Cheney would testify, if called. "We've cooperated fully in this matter and will continue to do so." She declined to comment further, walking off the podium swearing under her breath. She was heard to say "I should have taken a job at Macy's."

In other news, the Cobb County Board of Education agreed never to place stickers in high school biology textbooks that say "evolution is a theory, not a fact." After a four year battle to avoid hiring teachers who actually KNOW something, the Cobb County Board just threw in the towel.

"Evolution has long been controversial in Cobb County, north of Atlanta, where some biology teachers used to tear pages out of textbooks to avoid discussing it. In 2002, after more than 2,000 parents objected to sections on evolution in a new biology textbook, stickers were placed on the inside of the front cover."

Now, with the settlement, those teachers will actually have to learn something rather than be outdistanced by their students. Furthermore, the past six years of the Bush Administration has completely disproved the idea of "Intelligent Design."


Don't forget to send your photos for this Saturday's "Good Planets" Gallery to me at jkblue AT cox DOT net.


Frederick said...

Sorry I missed last Saturday, I'll e-mail you out a new pic soon!

Peacechick Mary said...

Dang, I can't remember who said it, but the gist was that Bush certainly undid the white supremacy notion for all time. That poster of Bush is funny. I understand VP Cheaty has burned up about 100 shredders in the past month or so.

Agi said...

"Evolution is a theory, not a fact". That phrase merely shows how ignorant and unintelligent the Cobb County school board really is. In scientific discourse the term "theory" refers to a tested explanatory model - a way of explaining facts.

I wonder if these folks would like to question the theory of gravity or the germ theory of disease.

DivaJood said...

Frederick, I look forward to getting it.

Peacechick, I wonder how many times Blasty McBirdshot will invoke the fifth amendment (or at least a fifth of scotch.)

Agi, it's just so insane. They really are idiots, and I don't mean that in a good way.

Anonymous said...

If you cross your fingers in the other hand that is not resting on the Holy Bible while taking an oath, it really doesn't matter if what you say is true or not. So dumb of you, Diva!

I must confess my previous skepticism about this far out sounding evolution thing. That we are only an offshoot of the damn apes was too outrageous for me untill I saw your picture collage of the dear leader. I been convinced.

sumo said...

Good one Diva...I heard today on the news that Cheney (Cheaty) wouldn't be there you have it. Your guess is as good as mine on this one. The Dub pics are great.

DivaJood said...

Pekka, I actually believe I am descended from that little Indonesian "Hobbit" humanoid because, well, I'm short. And thanks for clarifying that oath-taking-loophole.

Sumo, nothing surprises me regarding VP Blasty McBirdshot. What an evil turd.

pissed off patricia said...

I'm sure cheney will hide behind presidential something or other to avoid this. Besides, who the hell would believe a single freakin' word that man would say. He would sit there with that snarl on his face the whole time.

I might be interested if someone wants to talk about unintelligent design. I have a couple of people to show as proof that that just might have happened.

Tina said...

Given that we are discussing such blatant lies and crimes, here is a joke:
The Catholic Archbishop of the DC area was near death. He asked his aides to call the White House and see if Bush and Cheney would grant a dying man his final request: A visit to his bedside.
Now Bush and Cheney were shocked to hear that the Archbishop would want them to be beside him at his deathbed, but seeing a giant opportunity to win points among Catholic voters, they jumped at the chance to do so. So, they rushed right over in the presidential motorcade.
Bush and Cheney crept into the darkened bedroom and saw the frail Archbishop lying under the covers. Cheney nudged Bush and whispered: "Damn, the old bastard is dead. There goes our photo op."
But the dying man still had great hearing and without opening his eyes he announced: "I am still very much alive. Please, Mr President, sit beside and take my right hand. Mr Vice President, sit beside me and take my left hand."
Bush and Cheney did as was asked and took the Archbishop's right and left hands, and sat down expecting some great words of wisdom to fall from the dying man's lips. Instead... nothing but silence.
Finally, Cheney had had enough and growled: "What the hell is this shit?"
Bush, also pissed, chimed in: "Yeah, I'm a very busy man being The Decider. I don't have all day to sit here."
With a long sigh, the Archbishop finally opened his eyes and announced: "For my entire life I have tried to imitate Jesus Christ thru His works, words, and deeds. Now, I simply hoped to die the same way Jesus Christ did."
Horrified, Bush said: "Holy crap, do you want us to crucify you?"
The Archbishop smiled and said: "Heavens no my son. I just wanted to die like Jesus did....... between 2 thieves."

DivaJood said...

Patricia, Cheney is either completely cynical or he is completely delusional. I'm not sure which. If he's delusional, he should be locked up. If he's cynical, he should be locked up. Oh, wait. Same result. Throw away the key.

Tina, ha! Good one.

Anonymous said...

i haven't been sick since i cancelled my subscription to germ theory. still trying to give up gravity in favor of levity.

DivaJood said...

Roger, you are hilarious. Good idea to give up gravity in favor of levity. There is a spiritual principle: Laugh, or die.