Depression would be a step up

Seriously, I have become immobilized. I can't seem to function well at all. In August, 2008, when I left SlavesRUs Travel, it was on my terms and I knew the risks. I managed to stay afloat but it was difficult. Eventually I began working at MicroManaged Cruises, and was doing well - catching up on debt, getting ahead, and doing my job very well. I felt some degree of hope.

And then, Friday, November 6, 2009. I was fired for insubordination. Why? Because I was frustrated that the slackers got rewarded and people like me, who actually answered the phones, were punished. Let me explain:

MicroManaged Cruises is a Call Center. Reservations Agents are paid a salary and earn commission, but the commission is based upon a very peculiar two-fold system. That system makes people afraid to answer the phone. Here's how it works: to earn commission, you must sell a minimum of $250,000 gross each month. For me, that's a slow week. The second part of the system is that you must convert 30% of the calls that come in on the "new call" line into bookings.

So, if an existing booking comes in on the new line, it counts against you. If a brochure request comes in on the new line, it counts against you. If a caller calls in looking for a bus trip to Arkansas, it counts against you. I had a person call in who only spoke Russian, which I don't - could not communicate. It counted against me.

The slackers in the office manipulate the phone system to stay off the phone queue: they put people on hold for an hour while they check Facebook, Twitter, and text their friends. They call Travel Agents they work with to chat about the Twilight Saga, and how they can't wait for the new movie. They avoid calls.

On Thursday, Nov 5, my co-worker was on the phone from 5 PM until 7 PM, on one call, chatting with a Travel Agent about a particular actor she'd had a crush on since she was 11. I ended a call and took myself out of phone queue to send an email to a client. My supervisor asked me to get out of revision and take a call - I said sure, as soon as I finish the email. The Director came to my desk, told me to get out of revision - I copped an attitude, but did it. And yes, it was an existing call on the new line. Meanwhile, Slacker Girl is still chatting away.

I finish the call, phone rings again, and it is another existing on the new line. I put the agent on hold and walked over to the supervisor and expressed upset that my coworker was avoiding calls - the supervisor told the director I was yelling at her. The director called me into her office and said that I was wrong. Meanwhile, coworker has moved on to the Twilight movies, same call.

And then, on Friday, I was fired. For insubordination. For doing my job.

It is 11 AM, and I am still in my pjs. I can't seem to function. I feel defeated. My Cobra payment is going to be $451 per month, and I have no income. My unemployment is not enough to cover my mortgage. I feel humiliated, and unable to move.

So, now what? In this economy, now what? I'm 61, no savings, negative equity in my home, debt, now what?

I am so bloody sad.