Diva Jood is the Law And Order Candidate

(If you click on the picture, it will enlarge so you can see it.)

Turd Blossom is in contempt of Congress for failing to appear on a subpoena. But a Judge ruled that even the Bush Administration is supposed to follow the law, which surprised all of them. Nevertheless, if you see Karl Rove, tackle him and arrest him. I wonder if he'll get to play with Scooter Libby?

Sub-Prime, anyone?

Do not pass Go. Do Not collect $200.

Game makers Parker have phased out the standard multi-coloured cash in a new version. Players will instead use a Visa mock debit card to keep track of how much they win or lose. It is inserted into an electronic machine where the banker taps in cardholders’ earnings and payments.

Parker said replacing of cash with plastic showed the game was moving with the times. Spokesman Chris Weatherhead said: “The new electronic Monopoly reflects the changing nature of society and the advancement of technology.”

Hat tip to Betmo for emailing me about this travesty in board games. I wonder if Phil Gramm is the default banker?

The Birthday

Go Away, Already

Yes, it's true. The Cowardly Cowboy Of Crawfordsville was born July 6, 1946. I wonder what he's going to get for his birthday? Will Congress serve him with Articles of Impeachment? Not likely, since he's not been accused of screwing an intern. After all, sex with an intern is far more serious than destroying the US Economy, or lying to the nation to drag us into an illegal war, or condoning torture. No, Dubya will probably get a nice cake, and a few attaboys from his small circle of sycophants. Perhaps he'll get a war with Iran, served up cold.

I would like to serve him his walking papers and a trip to a cell in Gitmo, but I apparently don't have a say in the matter.

Oh, Goody. Another planet for the Right Wing to trash

Yes, you can grow all kinds of things on Mars. I mean, they've found ice, which means water, and they've found nutrients in the soil.



So if you save your frequent flier miles, Sir Richard might let you save $20,000 on your flight to Mars. Yes, 200,000 miles will save you $20,000 of the cost of a Virgin Galactic flight. Real Estate is going to go quick, and I suspect that Halliburton has the no bid contracts, but what the hey.

Shrub as a Young Republican

All that smokin and drinkin.

Government Explained

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
government.

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and
are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows."
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for
the children."
Arnold Schwartzenegger signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their
teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have to laugh. Despite the overwhelming saddness I feel about Senator Kennedy's illness, I have to find a way to laugh. Despite the frustration I feel that the two remaining Democrats continue to have a slugfest, I have to find a way to laugh. Myanmar refuses to accept US Naval aide to the cyclone-ravaged Irrawaddy River delta region, which boggles my mind, but I have got to find a way to laugh.

Because if I don't find some humor somewhere, I will become buried in grief, anger and frustration. Senator Kennedy will fight with all he's got to live his life to the fullest. We cannot eulogize him yet, he's still among the living. Yes, it is a terrible prognosis, but he's still very much among the living. I expect he will move forward with courage.

Eventually, we will have a Democratic Party nominee for President. It will be either Obama, or Clinton. And I have got to find a way to laugh because this is waltzing into the realm of the surreal. We're in at an extraordinary historic juncture. For the first time, the United States will nominate EITHER a Woman, or a Black - and this means that the White House is no longer the exclusive domain of White Male Protestants (or the one Catholic). This is exciting. But what do we do? Obama supporters demonize Clinton; Clinton supporters demonize Obama. And the McCain supporters sit back and let us do their job for them. If that's not hilarious, I don't know what is. Okay, maybe not hilarious. It's black humor, though, please give me that much.

As for the military junta in Burma - I mean WTF! Aid is aid, and to refuse the US Navy because they don't LIKE us is tantamount to murdering their own people.

But if I do not find a way to laugh, I might begin to sob and never stop. Right now, I feel I could drown in a sea of my own tears.

Lake Daisetta open for Wildlife Tours

Enigma4Ever alerted me to this exciting new travel experience. I suggested to Fran at Ramblings that we should corner the market on all tours going to the sinkhole. Some minor details:

On May 7, this itty bitty sinkhole (20 feet wide) opened up in Daisetta, Texas. Now it is over 900 feet long and 260 feet deep. And growing! That's the exciting part, it's growing. Now called Lake Daisetta, Danny Diaz, a Texas Parks and Wildlife game warden pointed out the aligator swimming around. He said that ole gator knows enough to avoid the crude oil floating at the top, which might irritate the gator's already rough aligator skin. Personally, I think Shea Butter helps, but who am I to suggest such a thing.

Meanwhile, the cause of all the excitement is a company that sits near the edge of a massive sinkhole in Southeast Texas has been accused of violating permits for disposal of saltwater, which some geologists suggest may have caused the crater. But this li'l old permit violation is opening a whole new segment for us Travel Professionals.

Mayor Lynn Wells is offering Guided Tours of the lake. Here is where we travel professionals fit in. Fran has asked if the guides are fluent in English, rather than merely East Texan. I want to be sure that tours include round trip transfers. We want it to include lunch. I'm worried about the souvenier shop slipping into the gator's mouth, but perhaps souveniers can come with final tour documents. You know, things like a bottle of salt waste water with some crude oil floating in it; a tee-shirt saying "I watched the Gator swim Lake Daisetta and all I got was this lousy shirt; that sort of thing. A full day tour should include pre-paid gratuities, and we're only going to charge $125 per person. Payable in full, up front, upon booking. Because, if you fall into the sinkhole, I am NOT going to pull you out.

Breaking News

Bush: I'll Bring Troops Home on JetBlue

No Exact Timetable, President Says

Under increased pressure to announce an exit strategy from Iraq, President George W. Bush revealed plans today to bring U.S. troops home on the budget airlines JetBlue.

Mr. Bush received praise for his decision to withdraw American troops, but his choice of JetBlue to transport them raised more than a few eyebrows.

According to most official estimates, with its recent spate of scheduling problems and flight delays, JetBlue could take up to seven years to bring U.S. troops home, and possibly ten years in the event of inclement weather.

But at a press conference at the White House today, the president argued that the selection of Jet Blue was "crucial" to the success of his latest exit strategy.

"Setting an exact timetable for a withdrawal from Iraq would be playing right into the enemy's hands," Mr. Bush said. "By going with JetBlue, our enemy will have no idea when we're leaving."

To emphasizes his point, Mr. Bush added, "And neither will we."

Across Iraq, U.S. GIs were hopeful that the news about JetBlue meant that they would be home by Christmas, or at least by Easter 2012.

At JetBlue headquarters in Forest Hills, New York, CEO David Neeleman said that it was "flattering" to be chosen to play such a critical role in President Bush's new exit strategy, but wondered if his embattled airlines has what it takes to bring troops home from Iraq.

"We're still having a hard time getting people home to Fort Myers," Mr. Neeleman said.

Elsewhere, Britain and Denmark announced that they were joining "The Coalition of the Leaving."

snark news service