I need to download a program onto my laptop for work. To do so, I had to call the Help Desk, which is not something I am accustomed to doing - asking for help, that is. After all, I am a Mother, and a Grandmother. I can do EVERYTHING. Not so much, but still. The illusion gets me through the day.
ME: Hello, help desk? I need help.
HELP DESK: Do you have Internet Explorer?
ME: Why, I think so. Is that the little page thingy with the e on it?
HD: (SIGHING) Yes, that's it. Go to this site: blahblahblah.blahblahblah.com
ME: (TYPING) blahblahblah.blahblahblah.com. Okay, I'm there.
HD: Click on blah.
ME: Okay, it's clicked.
HD: Now click on blah blah.
ME: Okay.
HD: Does it show the dancing bear? Click on the dancing bear.
ME: Okay, but he stops dancing.
HD: Good, that's good. He's supposed to stop dancing. Now save him to your desktop. It should take about an hour, so call back when it's done. It is a big file. Buh-bye.
ME: La, di, dah, la, di, dah. Oh, oh. It has timed out. (HITS REDIAL ON THE PHONE) Hello, help desk? It timed out.
HD: Oh, no. Not good. Some thingiemajigie or somesuch. I have to have someone from Hardware call you back. Buh-bye.
(I PASS THE TIME WAITING FOR HARDWARE MAN TO CALL BACK BY DRINKING MY MORNING CUPPA. PHONE RINGS.)
ME: Hello?
HARDWARE MAN: Is this Diva Jood?
ME: Uh-huh.
HARDWARE MAN: I am on vacation, but saw you needed help, so here I am to save the day. I have emailed you a link. Try the link.
ME: (TRYING THE LINK) It still times out.
HARDWARE MAN: Hmmm. I will have to call you tomorrow to install it. I will have to access your computer. There is a thingiemajigie or somesuch that prevents the downloading of files over a certain size. It's your ISP.
ME: Is that in English?
HARDWARE MAN: (LAUGHING) Yes it is. But it is a really big file, so I can save the day tomorrow when I am done vacating.
ME: Okedoke. Buh-bye.
END SCENE
This is a true tale, only the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Changing companies is a bitch and one half when your new place does not have anyone who understands the IT aspects of the job. Not tonight, dear. I have a headache, and it's only 9 AM.
