Friday Grandbaby Blogging

I like flowers and the Zoo. We went to the zoo and then we looked at flowers and I saw a bear up close in the zoo but it was behind glass but it was in a "habitat." My mama said she likes animals that are in the wild but some zoos are good like the Lincoln Park zoo and she has a joke but she won't tell me because it's dirty and I'm two.

My mama has a bad cold that is in her chest and she's supposed to go on a cruise tomorrow and fly on an airplane so she's on drugs but she's still not feeling perfect. She watched the movie "Children of Men" yesterday but she thought it was depressing so then she watched "The Search for John Gissing" which she said made her laugh. She says she would watch Alan Rickman read the phone book but I think that's boring. What's good about a phone book?

Okay, bye bye

Friday Grandbaby Blogging or Good Orderly Direction

The Second Step of Alcoholics Anonymous explains why I’ve become a bit silent as a blogger of late. The step says simply: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Of late, I’ve been feeling off-center, dis-eased, and this emotional imbalance has been fueled by rage and a focus on what is wrong with our nation. I confess, it has been making me feel thirsty - a dangerous condition for a person like me.

Over the course of the year, I have participated in the blogswarms against theocracy in July and in April because I believe in a power greater than myself. Isn’t that a paradox? I am not anti-religion; I am very much about mandating how I should believe. But then I remember what it says in Step Two:

We gloated over the hypocrisy, bigotry, and crushing self-righteousness that clung to so many `believers’ even in their Sunday best. How we loved to shout the damaging fact that millions of the `good men of religion’ were still killing one another off in the name of God. This all meant, of course, that we had substituted negative for positive thinking.

What I can control is my own behavior. I am unable to continue to point out the wrongs of others, because it makes ME feel ill. I have the disease of alcoholism, and for me, focus on negative thinking makes me feel ill, and when I feel ill, I feel thirsty. I want to drink at the problems. I feel overwhelmed and incapable of fixing anything. I substitute negative for positive thinking.

So I became quiet at my own blog. I’ve posted infrequently here. I’m trying to focus on what I CAN do, which is simple and clear and clean: I need to practice ethical morality and be the example of what I want to see in the world. As a sober woman, I need to be the change I want to see. And while I have not closed up shop completely over at Journeys with Jood, I will not post on a regular basis. I must really keep it simple, for me. Anger is a luxury I cannot afford. Once I know the problem, I have to focus on what makes it right rather than how wrong or fucked up it is - rage is something that younger people can handle but I cannot.

I am not silent - but my focus must change. My method of speaking and reading must change. It must, or I will lose. And frankly, my friends, it is ALL about me!

(cross posted at The Sirens Chronicles and The Fat Lady Sings