A Message from the Secretary of Strawberries and Cream

My gramma is deserpesed depersed sad. Don't make her sad. She's sad because the Chicago Cubs forgot how to play baseball and aren't doing too good. I can sing take me outa ballgame take me outacrowd real loud but it isn't helping. And gramma is sad because John McPain's runner mape isn't too smart but she was winking at everbody when she debate Joe Biden and talking about Joe Sixpack but Joe Biden is kind of Joe Sixpack and it scared Gramma to see Sarah Palin ack sorta like Raygun. All charmy chummy cute. It was icky.

But gramma had lunch with Alicia from Last Left Turn Before Hooterville and they had fun and got hand massages and ate sammiches and salads and had cookies. I like cookies too. That's them in the picture below.


They look happy, but it was before the debate and baseball.

How to prepare for tonight's debate

I've been a bad Diva. I've not visited anybody, and didn't blog at all yesterday. The reason is because tonight is a big debate, and my running mate, Nunly hasn't been invited. Still, I wanted to find a way to help everyone prepare. Here it is: You can channel your inner Sarah Palin and get ready for ANY debate.

But it is also October, and yesterday, an October Surprise. The Cubs were bludgeoned by the Dodgers in game 1 of the Division Series, and dug themselves into a pretty deep hole. Where in the world was Ryan Dempster? The man who never walks anybody walked seven, and gave up a Grand Slam in the 7 - 2 loss. I'm sick. Who gives a shite about the World Economy and various Creditors when baseball is at stake? (Randal, you knew I would have to get an Alan Rickman reference in somewhere.)

Nevertheless: IF someone asks YOU about your foreign policy experience, you can always respond

**Alaska that we work with our allies, pressuring, also, helping us to remind Russia that it's Americans that get stuck to holding the bag without the energy independence that I've been working on for these years as the governor of this country, and victory in the stringent oversight, making sure that these weapons of mass destruction, that nuclear weapons are not given to those hands of Ahmadinejad, not that he would allow terrorists to be able to go back in history and if you really think I can give you examples of things that can be looked to as the solution to the mission, the mission is to control and to control energy supplies, also, coming from and through Russia, that's a dangerous position for our world is and how important it is about doing a lot of background work first and shoring up our economy.

**computer generated response based on probabilities calculated from Sarah Palin's actual speech.

We Interrupt This Blog for the 2008 All-Star Game

I predict Chicago Cubs 8, American League 3. Why, Diva! Are you not going way out on a limb? And it's the National League vs. the American League after all.

Well, my friends and scoffers, the roster says otherwise. There were three Cubs named to the starting lineup: Geovany Soto, Kosuske Fukudome and Alfonso Soriano but he won't play, he's injured. Then, there are four Chicago Cubs on the pitching roster: the adorable Ryan Dempster; darling Carlos Marmol; be still, my heart, Carlos Zambrano; and the hunky Kerry Wood. And THEN rounding out the reserves: Aramis Ramirez (I love you, Aramis). So there. Chicago Cubs, 8, American League 3 - and I am being generous.

Chicago Cubs Baseball

This makes me happy. Yes, that Sam Zell will not let former Illinois Governor Jim Thompson and his Illinois Sports Facilities Authority turn Wrigley Field into another U.S. Cellular Field (a disaster of a park if I ever saw one) and sell equity seat rights, which requires a person to sign a long-term contract to buy a specific seat for a price that is either fixed or rises in an agreed-upon way, much like a fixed or adjustable-rate mortgage.

I can imagine it now - selling sub-prime seats to a baseball game. No money down. And a balloon mortgage at that. What happens if the buyer defaults? Does the bank forclose on the seat? "Sorry, jerk. Give up that popcorn and hot dog. You're outa here."

Maybe there will be some kind of insurance clause to go with it - like to purchase seats, you have to get pre-authorization from your insurance company. And if you are lucky enough to get a generic seat, it will cost only $10; but if you have to have something that's non-formulary, well, it will cost you your first-born. But you can see the game, right?

Maybe the seats will only be available to people who have never thought about recycling their plastic, and drive Hummers (don't they still get subsidized gasoline?)

I digress. I love the Cubs. I'm glad that Thompson won't get the park. I like this bit of history. But frankly, I think that the greed that's involved ruins the game.