I want to go to the North Pole

I want to go to the North Pole. Seriously, I do. I want to be the official blogger on this expedition cruise, and need your support. I'm way low in the standings, so please go to the link, sign up, vote for me, and then tell all your friends to vote for me too. I might take one of you with me.

Visiting my Daughter and Beanie

The Secretary of Strawberries loves The Wizard of Oz - the movie. She can sort of sing all the songs (Weoff tsee dizard unerfoo izardoz; Dindon thitch is ded itchoitch titchoitch) you get the picture. She looks at me as her best friend - and we play so well together. So all my worries seem insignificant when I am with Beanie.

Meanwhile, there are realities: the person who'd agreed to be my backup financial support as I build my business has conveniently forgotten the amount agreed upon. This presents a significant problem for me, as I have almost no income at the moment - two months behind on mortgage payments, late to the point of default on two credit cards, late on my health insurance, two months late on car insurance - on and on. And I'm not alone in this - so many people are suffering, everyone in the Travel business is experiencing the normal slow season woes, but this is worse. Some agencies are closing their doors. Restaurants are suffering. House sales are down as people can't afford to sell (let alone buy). Will I be able to do something to avoid foreclosure? I don't know.

I have business - I have clients who are traveling, booking trips, but they are not going until March, April, May, June, July -- all future travel, and I will not be paid until they travel. It is foolish to give up hope, but I am looking for a job, to supplement while I build my own independent business. Fear? Yes. Despair? Not yet.

Just Like Marie Antoinette

My dear Utah Savage is passing around the love once again. This image of Marie Antoinette is intended to go to bloggers who have something to say, who tell the truth. And yet, she chose to include me. Hey, I ran for Diva President and lost. Utah was to be Big Chief Supreme, but now we have to look at another administration. Oh, well. Sometimes, the only solution is to laugh. When it hurts too much to cry, all that's left is laughter. That's where I am these days.

At any rate, we are to pass this on to others who tell the truth. So I'm gonna do that as well.

1. The wonderful Border Explorer is a real blogger. I adore her. She gets it.

2. FranIAm is a real blogger. I adore her too. She gets it.

3. Dianne, Forks Off The Moment is another real blogger. I adore her. SHE gets it too!

4. The Pagan Sphinx really gets it. I adore her. She's a real blogger.

5. Pursey Tuttweiler because SHE gets it. I adore her. She's another real blogger.

Today is Gordon Lightfoot's 70th Birthday. Yikes. And

Where is my bailout?

I believe I am as deserving of a bailout as anayone. What do I have to do? Be AIG or build motor cars or something?

The terms of the bailout are sort of limited to “qualifying U.S. banks, savings associations, and certain bank and savings and loan holding companies, engaged only in financial activities.” But since the $700B bailout package is now down to $60, Karl Rove's former boy Jeb Mason gets to pick and choose which companies he'll approve or whack. They include automakers, banks, S&Ls, cheesemakers, Credit Card companies and they all get in line and beg at the hand that may or may not feed them.

And if the government runs out of money? No worries. Jeb's got a printing press and they can just print more.

I need an official lobbyist to go get me a piece of that pie. I work hard, I know my business, and I want to keep my home. So there.

November 4th

It never ceases to amaze me how a date on the calendar can take on so much significance for an individual. I was married on November 4th, 1969, in a suburb of Tel Aviv Israel. My parents had flown over for the event - I was four days after my 21st birthday and still a baby in so many respects. My mother, who would be a story in and of herself, was distraught. She didn't like my intended one bit, and she made it known any way she could. One moment in particular stands out: we were walking to a restaurant in the old city of Jaffa, all cobblestone streets and Yemenite restaurants - and she flung herself to the ground and said she'd tripped. My dad, my intended, and I had all seen it - she hadn't tripped, she truly flung herself - tossed her purse, then collapsed. It was almost funny.

But November 4th came, and we married, and I was so afraid. I went literally from my parents' house to my husband's house, and that was no longer on Kibbutz. We lived in a neighborhood outside of Tel Aviv that was made up of Iranian Jews, a slum, where kids routinely shoved live rats into milk bottles. They didn't like me, they called me "Blondini from Romania" - and would toss mud at my wash hung out on the balcony to dry. They knew I was afraid. And I had no voice. I grew up without a voice, swallowed by family events.

So we moved back to the States. Back to Illinois, to a suburb of Chicago, and I became involved in Political Organizing, for Abner J. Mikva. Mr. Mikva was both a great lawyer, and a great politician - a rarity I've not seen since until Barack Obama. I began to speak. I began to believe I had a point of view, and began to find my voice.

Fast forward a few years: November 4, 1980. It was my 11th Wedding Anniversary. We were at dinner, perfectly miserable, as we already new the results of the election - Ronald Reagan had just demolished President Carter in the Presidential election by almost 10 percentage points. It was a disaster of epic proportions as the Reagan Revolution moved forward.

November 4, 2008 - I voted first thing, for Barack Obama, and at 11 AM, got the call that my Aunt Jo had died, 93 years of age. Turns out that my cousin had not been able to turn in Joey's absentee ballot (Joey was voting for McCain, and no on Prop 8- how weird is that) - but there you have it.

Since Joey died, though, I've not felt like doing anything. It was exposure to family, all the good and all the bad. I'm struggling financially right now - business is down for several reasons (not the least of which is that it is "slow season" until after mid-January - Fran knows this, she's in my industry) - but also because of the economy. I had been working for three months with a client on three cabins on a luxury cruise when he decided not to travel. Huge booking lost, and I'm worried. I'm 1 1/2 months behind on mortgage; late on car and health insurance; behind on credit cards; behind on everything; new medical bills because deductible was so high. After I return from Chicago I will be looking for part time work so I can get benefits (Walgreens, Starbucks, Borders, and I think Home Depot all pay benefits if you work 20 hours) and extra income while I make my business work.

But it's the other part of this: the emotional part. My dad was one of 7, and they are all dead now. My mother was one of 10, and there is only one still living but she's not been with us mentally for years. Both my mother's and father's families had challenging and colorful histories - my paternal grandmother used to tell us stories of how her mother would hide her and her siblings during pogroms by burying them in shallow "graves" with straw for air. My mother, while pregnant with me, was babysitting my cousins when one died from pneumonia. My mother was blamed for the death, and she became incapable of loving me. She was hard on everyone, but as her behavior in Israel shows, she was mentally unstable and incapable of real rational thought or action.

There's more - so much more. My Aunt Jo was married to one of the most destructive, evil people I've ever encountered. He was a monster. And when he appeared at the funeral, he was kept hidden from the family by a curtained-off area. He came to the gravesite briefly, but was shoved away. Still, even that brief encounter, and I lose my voice. I swallow it. My cousin, while eulogizing his mother, spoke directly to each cousin who was there - and when he got to me, he referenced how hard my mother had been on Joey. She was hard on Joey, she wanted her to leave the monster. But, but. I found myself shrinking.

Joey died four days after my 60th birthday. She never missed a birthday, and when I visited her in the hospital on Sunday to say goodbye, she made sure I'd gotten her card. She asked about my cat, Mr. Bean. She was all love, tolerance, forgiveness. She felt mentally young and physically exhausted. And I get it. I feel mentally and emotionally like a child, and physically exhausted.

Yesterday I called my ex-husband to wish him a happy birthday. We chatted about Obama's victory and what it might mean for all of us. This is the guy who said he finally got the chance to vote for Bobby Kennedy. Maybe, in time, I will feel the joy I know I should. Today, not so much.

Thank you, Utah!

Utah Savage, one of the most colorful bloggers I know and my friend and sister traveler, has awarded me this gem, the Scribbler Award. It comes at a time when I've been feeling really silent again - my Aunt Joey's passing has really made me reflective and quiet - and so Utah's gesture means more than I can fully express. In the face of my family, I feel like my voice gets swallowed. But apparently, others don't think so and Utah could not have timed this better.

But there are rules. I hate rules. It's one of the things I don't do well. Rules, and singing. Nevertheless, here they are:

*Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
*Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
*Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

So, my blog roll is long. All the people on it are amazing writers, so picking five is a real challenge. However, I'm going to give it a go:

1. Border Explorer never ceases to amaze me with her unceasing dedication to human rights and justice. She's just brilliant and tireless, and I adore her. Plus she keeps me in farm animals at Facebook.

2. ThailandChani of Finding My Way Home writes about mindfulness - it is an exquisite blog. It's a peaceful blog.

3. Grandmere Mimi of Wounded Bird is someone I've just started reading. She's quite entertaining, and interesting, and covers a variety of topics. Sometimes, with irony.

4. I love Mathman, of When Will I Use This? Sorry DCup, I don't mean it as anything more than motherly love. Besides, he's a White Sox fan. I forgive him that, because he is a real educator. A real one. Not a faux educator, but someone who takes it to heart.

5. And Distributorcap New York is always thoughtful and entertaining. He covers politics, Constitutional law, and humor, and I love his blog.

I also would tag Randal and several others, but they've been gotten already. So go forth, read something. It's good.

Aunt Jo

My adorable, 93-year-old Aunt Jo died about 40 minutes ago - not unexpected - sad nevertheless. Joey was one of the most warm-hearted, tolerant and loving people I've encountered. She had a hard life, was the second youngest of ten - one of my mother's sisters - married to a dispicable man who scarred everyone in his path. Still, Joey forgave, was tolerant, and sought joy and positive energy.

I spent Sunday with her at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills - it was to say goodbye. She was having trouble letting go - her body was done, she was tired, but her mind was as sharp as ever - and she sought permission from all of us. So that's what we did - one by one, people went in to say "I love you, it's okay, you're tired, it's okay, good-bye."

And she waited until today to die so that we'd all get to vote. Her own ballot was marked on Sunday, my cousins turned it in today to the polling place - even though she voted for the wrong guy for President, she wanted us all to have the chance.

Vote

Having major blogger issues. Please vote.

I keep getting frozen out of blogger, and am having trouble uploading images. Not sure if it's blogger's fault, or if my computer needs more memory. Probably the latter.

Also, some family issues going on, which is keeping me distracted. I'm not ignoring your blogs, but yikes!

Happy Halloween

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy BIRTHDAY dear Diva Jood,
(you old prude)
Happy birthday to me.

Yep, 10/31/48 I am 60!

Attention Blog Friends

I am really sleep deprived - Mr. Bean might be an adorable kitten, but he has been keeping me up at night and I really am at my wit's end. He bites my fingers. He wants to play with my cosmetics. He likes to knock my glasses off the night stand (so they now live in a drawer at night.) He does what he can to be annoying, and I can't think straight. Any suggestions? I'm serious. I'm so tired, I cannot find the words, nor the energy to go read your posts, because all I want to do is sleep.

So anyone who has dealt with a 7 month old male kitten who is adorable but annoying, tell me what to do. Please.

virtual 'Tornado of Change' necklace.

Susan is amazing artist. Not only does she draw, and write, and paint apparel, now I find she also makes beaded necklaces. How do I know this? Because she gave me one of these undeserved virtual awards, the virtual 'Tornado of Change' necklace.

I suggest you all go over to her blog and buy her work, because it's gorgeous. I mean that, she's amazing. Thank you, Susan.

Sunday Fantasy

Because it's Sunday, and I have not a damn thing to say about anything, I thought I'd rather feast my eyes upon the sexiest 62 year old on earth.

What an honor

The amazing Liquid AND my beloved Utah Savage have seen fit to bestow these two honors on l'il ole me. I'm really quite surprised, and grateful for this. Liquid is a real artist; Utah is one of the most colorful writers on the interwebs. They are both quite wonderful, so this means a lot. I'm humbled.

Uber (synonym to Super)Amazing Blog Award is a blog award given to sites who:

~ inspire you
~ make you smile and laugh
~ or maybe gives amazing information
~ a great read
~ has an amazing design
~ and any other reasons you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules (there are always rules) of this award are:

* Put the logo on your blog or post.
* Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more) that for you are Uber Amazing!
* Let them know that they have received these Uber Amazing awards by commenting on their blog.

Once again, spreading the linky-love, and there are so many bloggers I adore. Amazing designs, great reads, inspiring, humorous, you name it. So I'm going to pick a few.

1. Dr. Monkey Von Munkerstein even though he's also running for President. I will beat him, but I have to honor his blog.

2. Distributorcap, NY treads the balance between informative, and funny, and is brilliant.

3. FranIAm tackles real matters of faith, and I feel like she's my sister.

4. The Pagan Sphinx reminds me that we must have a world filled with art. And art needs to be examined.

5. Susan, phansythat is another real artist. I love her ink drawings, and her stories. I love her silk paintings. She's wonderful.

6. and of course, my campaign manager and poet laureate, Randal even though I've given him tons of raises (hey, 5 times zero is still a raise.)

What the hell - anyone on my blogroll deserves these awards.

Go forth and read, people!

His Name is Mr. Bean

And he's a love muffin who purrs all the time, and has made sitting in my lap his number one priority.

Pictures will follow. Thank you all for the suggestions. He's a bit of a clown, too.

Name the Cat Contest

I adopted a 7 month old male kitten today. He's at the vet being neutered, I bring him home tomorrow. He's black, with gold eyes, very playful, very affectionate, and sweet. However, I need to name him. The Shelter is calling him Ooogey, which doesn't fit.

So I am holding a "Name the Male Kitten" contest. Winner will be awarded the cereal prize (nothin, honey) unless I design an appropriate award. Help please.

So My Campaign Manager Doesn't Get Worried

I recently raised a question about why certain images are posted more frequently than others. My campaign manager suggested that I use the interwebs to do a google search (thus distancing myself from John McCain) specific to my own preferences.

So I did that search. Handy little tool, those Googles. Really.

I thought if I started small, with this lovely little self-portrait my heart-throb dashed off, it would make this post have at least a semblance of intellectual versisitude.



That makes it easy to slide into a man in kilts. Nice legs. Really.



From there, we can segue into the shy guy, hiding behind the bust, keeping it all modest and coy:



Before leaping into nearly naked man at the beach with friends:




Oh, well, as much as I adore Alan Rickman, he just is not the beefy stud I know many of us long to gaze at. I personally would love a committed relationship with Mr. Rickman, complete with regular sex, but for just gaping, please god, give me this:

Onze upon a time

Monsieur Graves has tagged me with a charming little meme that asks for eleven things you might not know about me. Well, of course you wouldn't know them, unless you've been to my house, and no, I cannot see Russia from my house. Hell, I can barely see Catalina Island, due to the fog, but that's weather-related. So, but, I have to answer these one-word questions, which I am certain are a nefarious plot to link my candidacy to William Ayers.

1. Clothes Shop: Turley Road in Chicago. Yes, it's true. A hip designer in the Windy City. Also, caBI.

2. Furniture Shop: Hmmm. I haven't got a clue how to answer this. I used to like antiques, so I would rummage various antique stores. Now I want to sell everything I own, every stick of furniture and start over with just a more relaxed, beach-cottage look. So I dunno.

3. Sweet: are ya kidding me? Chocolat. It's a food group.

4. City: Well, I live in San Pedro, California, which is really Los Angeles. I LOVE Chicago, but it's too fucking cold. So there.

5. Drink: well, not since July 18, 1988. Oh, that's not what you meant. Okay, then it's gotta be Root Beer.

6. Music: I could listen to Yo-Yo Ma all day long. I mean, forever.

7. TV Series: toss-up between Sex and the City and The Sopranos. Oh, unless you mean currently? Um. Oh. Er.

8. Film: This is really, really, really hard. I love films. From Casablanca to Lawrence of Arabia; from Oklahoma to Singin in the Rain; from It Happened One Night to Gone With The Wind; from Dogma to Die Hard - I really can't pick just one. However, for 2008, I really loved Burn After Reading.

9. Workout: I walk. I try to get in 3 miles every day. Really.

10: Pastries: Chocolate cake. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Update: Dammital, Distributorcap noticed I forgot #11. Here it is:

11. Coffee: not for me. Tea all the way. Robust, Irish Breakfast. Yum.


Now I have to pick five suckers bloggers to play along. Hmmm. Sort of a "tic-tac, no trade-back" sort of thing, eh? Okay, Katie Schwartz, Border Explorer, Liberality, Susan, and Dianne.

Go forth, spread the meme.

Diva Jood's Campaign

This is the BEST News Coverage Shit from Shinola has had. I'm so impressed. (hat tip to Betmo

Tic-tac, no trade-backs

this non-political break courtesy Utah Savage, (I love you, Utah).

1. Where was I ten years ago?
In 1998, I still lived in Chicago, had just completed my second Twin Cities to Chicago AIDS Ride (500 miles from Minneapolis to Chicago on a bicycle), was a featured speaker at a forum for the Travel Trade in Brisbane, Australia at a program called "Unzipped: Unleashing the Potential of the North American Market." I talked about the "distribution chain" and how fractured it had become. And I also spoke at the Chicago International Outdoor and Adventure Travel Expo to a Travel Agent Forum. It was a great year.

2. What was on my ToDo list today?
Get dressed. Go to the San Pedro Court House to pay a small fee for a correction on my vehicle sticker. Get dressed. Oh, did I mention? Get out of my p.j.s and get dressed. And finish a quote for a group.

3. And my favorite number. What would I do if I were a billionaire? Oh, oh, I would do so much. I would fund sustainable tourism. I would fund a grant for women entrepeneurs. I would travel more (and I travel a lot.) I would move out of Los Angeles to a more rural location and grow all my vegetables and fruit. I would have a second home in Chicago. I would paint and write.

4. Five places I've lived.
Kfar Blum, a kibbutz in Israel
Glencoe, Illinois
Evanston, Illinois
Chicago, Illinois
San Pedro, California

5. Bad Habits.
Are you kidding me? I hate to clean house. I'm lazy. I eat way too much bad food. I'm judgmental, opinionated, and arrogant. I spend more than I earn. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Now the fun part: pick five others to play too.

1. Blueberry
2. Maria*Maria
3. Dianne
4. Randal
5. Border Explorer

The reason I've not been around much recently

I love them both. My daughter, my granddaughter are truly amazing people. To see the world through a 3-year-old's eyes, where everything is a learning experience, has been just incredible for me. The last three weeks have been good/challenging - setting up with a new company, fighting off Napoleon and SlavesRUs (I engaged a lawyer when the schmuck tried to hack into my checking account to stop a direct deposit), two National Conventions, my daughter's strep throat, my granddaughter's gigantic personality.

We had a visit from Spartacus just before the shit hit the fan with Napoleon, so I was a bad friend and didn't get together with him again. I apologize. Truth is, my former employer was so beligerent and threatening that I was actually frightened. I've never encountered anything like this, and now he appears to be focusing his nastiness on two of my former collegues (one of whom is a friend.) When I am afraid, my resources dwindle. I become invaginated.

So Monday, I fly home. Tuesday I will get back on the campaign trail. Sorry to be scarce, but the last three weeks have been interesting.