Sunday, February 25, 2007

Breaking News

Bush: I'll Bring Troops Home on JetBlue

No Exact Timetable, President Says

Under increased pressure to announce an exit strategy from Iraq, President George W. Bush revealed plans today to bring U.S. troops home on the budget airlines JetBlue.

Mr. Bush received praise for his decision to withdraw American troops, but his choice of JetBlue to transport them raised more than a few eyebrows.

According to most official estimates, with its recent spate of scheduling problems and flight delays, JetBlue could take up to seven years to bring U.S. troops home, and possibly ten years in the event of inclement weather.

But at a press conference at the White House today, the president argued that the selection of Jet Blue was "crucial" to the success of his latest exit strategy.

"Setting an exact timetable for a withdrawal from Iraq would be playing right into the enemy's hands," Mr. Bush said. "By going with JetBlue, our enemy will have no idea when we're leaving."

To emphasizes his point, Mr. Bush added, "And neither will we."

Across Iraq, U.S. GIs were hopeful that the news about JetBlue meant that they would be home by Christmas, or at least by Easter 2012.

At JetBlue headquarters in Forest Hills, New York, CEO David Neeleman said that it was "flattering" to be chosen to play such a critical role in President Bush's new exit strategy, but wondered if his embattled airlines has what it takes to bring troops home from Iraq.

"We're still having a hard time getting people home to Fort Myers," Mr. Neeleman said.

Elsewhere, Britain and Denmark announced that they were joining "The Coalition of the Leaving."

snark news service

9 comments:

Peacechick Mary said...

Ho! Coalition of the leaving! That's a good one. Along with Jet Blue, we can include Bahamian airlines - they leave when and if they feel like it. I've often thought of chartering a plane or two and just going over and hauling some of the troops out.

Tina said...

I guess what is most shocking about this snark news bit is that our esteemed Moron and Chief didn't suggest that the troops hop in their hillybilly armored vehicles and D-R-I-V-E back to the States.

pekka said...

I didn't like the tone of this defeatist propaganda, not even a bit! Despite of this tongue in cheek drivel, to me, the plan is breath takingly smart. I see the finger prints of the best damn vice president, Dick Chaney, all over it.

Aren't you, Diva, able to see the brilliance of his plan? Those flights back home have been turned into the flying "reeducation" centres, where the fresh cabin air has been turned off and temperature has been set at comfy 115 F. Occupants have been firmly secured to their wooden seats and in flight entertainment has been provided by listening to and watching at "the final victory is around the corner" speeches by this great statesman, Cheney.

By the the time these reeducated troops hit the tarmac back home, they will immediatelly run to the transport plains waiting to take them back to Iraq, and even to Iran if need to be. And with the new vigor, I migh add. Simply, another marvelous plan by the man who has had them so many!

sumo said...

pekka...your brilliance is inescapable.

Frederick said...

ROFL!!!

betmo said...

nicely snarkified :)

Comandante Agí said...

Easter 2012, eh? Well, when our Lord rises for the 1,980th time we'll really have something to celebrate.

karena said...

Diva,
I officially anoint you as Queen of Snark and will be shipping your tiara shortly. I have sore body parts from rolling on the floor laughing. I will send my receipt for Aleve along with the tiara so you can reimburse me.
BTW, I am taking karena's blog down soon and have left a farewell message. Please stop by to say goodbye.

Alicia said...

Oh Diva - that's brilliant! I'll try to catch up with you soon.