Wednesday, July 18, 2007

It's my birthday!

6939 Days of Continuous Sobriety doesn't sound like much, does it? Today, July 18th marks 6939 Days, or 19 years, for me. Makes me grateful - but as I said in a comment on an earlier post, my brain wakes up as a crazy alcoholic woman with rage - and I have to do so much just to be house-broken enough to get out the door.

My alcoholic brain, if left untreated, wants to
  • drive my car like a weapon
  • key the doors of anyone's car sporting a W bumper sticker
  • help myself to money that doesn't belong to me
  • help myself to husbands who don't belong to me
  • lie about things when telling the truth would actually be easier
  • get in the middle of everybody else's chaos and make it worse
  • and then walk away, pointing my finger at what idiots they are

  • But sober, I don't act that way. My late sponsor, Meri, used to tell me that 95% of life is none of my business - and the 5% that is my business is just about showing up. So that's what I do today. I show up, and I give my boss a dime for his nickle. I show up, and care about making your day a better day. I show up, and try to be a decent person (even when my brain is screaming at me.) I just show up.

    And you know what? My life is good! I am surrounded by what Grateful Patty calls "The Cotton Balls of AA", the love of good friends, and a family both Calabash and Natal. I feel incredibly lucky, and incredibly grateful.

    After all, it is all about me!


    Peacechick Mary said...

    Happy anniversary. Boy, I'm sure glad you got sober 'cause drunk you act like a Republican politician.

    Donnie McDaniel said...

    Congrats my friend.

    Frederick said...

    "95% of life is none of my business"

    Now there is a perspective I need to learn to take.

    Pursey Tuttweiler said...

    Wait, wait, can't you be sober and still key the cars with W stickers? Hah, just kidding, I would never key a car. Wow, your alcoholic brain untreated brain sure does want to do a lot of nasty things. Thank God for AA and I congratulate you on your perseverance and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

    DivaJood said...

    Peacechick, I also tend to throw up in people's shoes, but I haven't done that in 19 years either.

    Donnie, thank you. But where's the cake? I prefer chocolate.

    Frederick, it's a tough concept - especially the 5% is just showing up part. I would prefer to meddle 95% of the time, and not really ever show up.

    Pursey, I don't key cars at all. But someone recently keyed my car, and I think I manifested it because I had been thinking about keying some Republican gas guzzlers. But really I think about doing things that should not be printed on a public page.

    LET'S TALK said...

    Happy anniversary and keeep showing up!

    WeezieLou said...

    Happy Anniversary - and i certainly understand. i had ten years, then had to start again. 19 is incredible. keep coming back, my friend.

    robin andrea said...

    Happy birthday, DivaJood. I wish all your years to be filled with this continuing success.

    Tree said...

    you definitely don't have to be an alcoholic to want to key cars with W stickers.

    Coffee Messiah said...

    Congratulations and continued success for you always! ; )

    mirth said...

    I once had a real fight with myself not to key a Hummer parked so close to my car that I couldn't get into the driver's door. I had the key ready to do some real damage. But in the end I crawled through the passenger side and carefully maneuvered away from the monstrosity.
    Happy Birthday, Diva.
    We're all glad that you have arrived at this place.

    Larry said...

    Happy Birthday Divajood,

    I bet this is the best birthday you have ever had.

    Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.

    moe berg said...

    Happy Birthday, Jood! And congratulations on your 19 years of sobriety! It must have taken some real strength and determination to quit on your birthday.

    It's just too bad someone hasn't figured out how to get Dubya to quit acting like a surly drunk twenty-plus years after he quit drinking. Then maybe he'd quit trying to "key" everything that pisses him off.

    Er, sorry to ruin your day by bringing up the Decider/Commander Guy (the Demander Guy?), but I have to get my digs in whenever I can.

    Hope you have a very happy one! And it looks like the Cubs want to give you a present. They just scored four in the bottom of the third and are leading the Giants 4-0 with Zambrano pitching.

    Pursey Tuttweiler said...

    We will just eschew those nasty thoughts as soon as they arrive and replace them with two good ones. By we, I mean you!!!! Hah!!!! I mean me, who the hell do I mean? I hope all is well with you and that you had a nice anniversary.

    moe berg said...

    Jood--just thought you'd like to know the Cubs are now up 9-0 after five innings. I think they know it's your birthday!

    Lulu Maude said...

    HBJ (Happy Birthday, Jood!)
    Thank God for sobriety, and thank God for AA. I'm grateful every day for the path I'm on, and it's a joy to meet you there.

    beachblogger said...

    dear divaJ,

    happy birthday! taking a trip or not taking a trip?

    peace, peter

    DivaJood said...

    Let's Talk, no kidding!

    WeezieLou, I'm glad you made it back! I'm always an email away if you need a pal.

    Robin, I'd rather have chocolate :)

    Tree, you mean, I'm NORMAL?

    Coffee, I'll have a non-fat, flat white with that.

    Mirth, my cousin used to work in catering at a well-known DC hotel. One day, a car was in her parking space at work. She wrote with lipstick "You ASSHOLE" on his windshield. It was a Senator's car. She no longer works at that hotel.

    Larry, when I was 19 in natal years, I was drunk. Now, 19 years sober, (and much older) I have a lot more fun.

    Moe, I just want to be sure that when Bonds hits a homer at Wrigley, the Cub Fans THROW IT BACK.

    Pursey, I've been eschewing a sandwich all afternoon at work.

    Lulu Maude, doesn't it beat being holed up in a basement, with a glass of wine?

    Peter, that's one of my favorite lines in Chapter 3 - for me, it was always taking a trip.

    proudprogressive said...

    Congratulations DivaJood, no small feat !

    And as my granny used to say , Keep the happy thought.

    Peace to you, and many more clear and present yrs, You are a gem.

    miracles never cease - we got our code fixed at Notes..go figure ! so we got a read more function back. yeah it may appear when there is no more to read..but i figure this group can fill in the blanks.

    Enjoy that CAKE !

    Traveling Man said...

    HAPPY FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY! From your Masonic fiend, uh friend Traveling Man.

    I'm so glad you're here, and while I might not comment every day, I read you (almost) every day. (I only missed you during my recent short hiatus, but caught up.)

    I wish you every good thing.


    DivaJood said...

    PP, I have the same thing - it says "read more" whether there is more to read or not - but I'm blonde, and since 50 is the new 30, I figure I have a long time to fix it.

    Traveling Man, welcome back from your hiatus! I hope you got re-charged.

    Musings from Myopia said...

    You have much to be proud of and for which to be thankful. I admire you for sticking it out; keep it up. Thanks for your comment about my rant...I probably need to put some of your advice to work in my own psyche to prevent another electrical explosion in my brain!

    Anon-Paranoid said...

    Happy Birthday DivaJood and may you have many more.

    God Bless.

    Thorne said...

    Oh, grrrlll!!! I'm so with you on that list of your non sober self!! *knee slapping cackling* Seriously... Except mine was husbands or wives!!! LMAO! Whew! Good thing we're sober, eh?? Happy birthday, sweetie. I've got a lil somethin' for ya over at my place
    a lil somethin' for ya

    sumo said...

    Very happy and proud for you Miss Diva! When you hit the 20 year mark we should all party at your end of town...those of us in the area! If I don't get to meet you before then...I say we make it a date for next year and I'll salute you with a ginger ale...or root beer...or iced tea...something tasty like that. Do like bluegrrrrl did and send out invites and we'll organize an activist party for ya! And I promise a beautiful chocolate cake just for you.

    Granny said...

    Hi once again.

    I hope your 19th was a good one.


    DivaJood said...

    MFM, I'm happy to say that I remain slightly insane.

    Anon-Paranoid, thank you!

    Thorne, I love the haiku, and the cake. That's hilarious.

    Sumo, yep. Party at my place for my 20th.

    Granny, thanks - it was a good one. It was fantastic.

    American Scot said...

    Sorry for the late congrats! I had three years in June.
    That's fabulous! I hope it was a peaceful day!