Saturday, May 27, 2006

Holiday weekend blues

Not sure what this is all about, but woke up in a real funk today. Started coming on yesterday, no discernable reason behind it. Just feeling blue. Cyclical depression runs in my family, and I've struggled with it off and on my entire life; so history tells me that it will pass but man, when I'm in it, I'm in it.

Solution #1: I got out of bed.
Solution #2: Will go to the farmers market; then I have to meet a new client despite it being a day off.
Solution #3: Will go to a movie -- something light and fluffy -- with friends.

My point is that I have to keep in motion, and not isolated, or I will cave under the weight.

Sometimes, when I read about the world in chaos, it filters into me at such depth. I internalize it -- like I have the power to stop earthquakes in Indonesia. This is absolute insanity, of course, but I entertain a bizarre sense of hyper-responsibility. Not as bad as it used to be, thank god, but that's a bit of what's going on today -- I feel like I should DO something about everything. I can't. It helps to laugh at this kind of thinking. I wonder if anyone else goes to this sort of insanity?

But today's news included an article in the NY Times about Bear Hunting Caught in Global Warming Debate; and then another about the 6.2 quake in Indonesia that has left thousands dead and injured, while Mount Merapi gets more active since the quake. And last night, I watched again Enron-The Smartest Guys In The Room in honor of the conviction of Skilling & Lay.

And a good friend was in a car accident yesterday, seriously injured her back, in hospital in Chattanoga. Small wonder I'm in a funk today.


robin andrea said...

I've been in a funk for about ten days. I've been depressed on and off for the past 30 years. Never medicate, just wait it out. It always passes, but sometimes it's a real struggle to get through it. Does your depression have an insomnia symptom? Some people sleep a lot during a depressive cycle. I have insomnia. Then I'm dragging around all day because I'm so tired. Hopefully yours and mine will lift soon. Wishing you well.

DivaJood said...

Hi RA -- yes, insomnia is one of the symptoms that I get -- which of course doesn't help the cycle, because I'm dragging around all day. Weather changes don't help -- and June Gloom is a real season here in Southern Cal.

Fortunately, we both live in areas where there is great beauty -- after the Farmers Market, I went to the top of Angel's Gate, the fog had lifted, sun is out, and the ocean just does its thing.

I hope we both get out of our funks soon! Thanks.