Saturday, May 17, 2008

Lake Daisetta open for Wildlife Tours



Enigma4Ever alerted me to this exciting new travel experience. I suggested to Fran at Ramblings that we should corner the market on all tours going to the sinkhole. Some minor details:

On May 7, this itty bitty sinkhole (20 feet wide) opened up in Daisetta, Texas. Now it is over 900 feet long and 260 feet deep. And growing! That's the exciting part, it's growing. Now called Lake Daisetta, Danny Diaz, a Texas Parks and Wildlife game warden pointed out the aligator swimming around. He said that ole gator knows enough to avoid the crude oil floating at the top, which might irritate the gator's already rough aligator skin. Personally, I think Shea Butter helps, but who am I to suggest such a thing.

Meanwhile, the cause of all the excitement is a company that sits near the edge of a massive sinkhole in Southeast Texas has been accused of violating permits for disposal of saltwater, which some geologists suggest may have caused the crater. But this li'l old permit violation is opening a whole new segment for us Travel Professionals.

Mayor Lynn Wells is offering Guided Tours of the lake. Here is where we travel professionals fit in. Fran has asked if the guides are fluent in English, rather than merely East Texan. I want to be sure that tours include round trip transfers. We want it to include lunch. I'm worried about the souvenier shop slipping into the gator's mouth, but perhaps souveniers can come with final tour documents. You know, things like a bottle of salt waste water with some crude oil floating in it; a tee-shirt saying "I watched the Gator swim Lake Daisetta and all I got was this lousy shirt; that sort of thing. A full day tour should include pre-paid gratuities, and we're only going to charge $125 per person. Payable in full, up front, upon booking. Because, if you fall into the sinkhole, I am NOT going to pull you out.

22 comments:

an average patriot said...

You guys are funny! i heard about the saltwater theory and I guess I must be naive but besides killing the pants I don't see how saltwater can cause a sinkhole. Lack of water maybe but that doesn't appear to be a problem there.

enigma4ever said...

Oh Diva...you are so funny....

Yes, I have spent the last hour finding some scenic Photos- for your broshure...and yes, patriot found a gator for us...I will post them right away...

( Patriot- about the Saltwater- down in Texas they dig the oil wells- and they inject them with salt water...BUT if you inject too much volume...for too long it creates underground caverns...domes...and that leads to subsidence - literally the grounds above start to shlump ( yes that is a real word) and then shift....from the air it looks like craters forming...( on the ground people will notice cracks in buildings, and windows and doors shifting...) and once a Sinkhole forms- it spreads- because there is no support underground....the original injection wells, were up to 900 feet deep- SOoooo this thing is going to keep growing...)

enigma4ever said...

I will have to change the name of my post - now that you named it ;-)

an average patriot said...

enigma
Sounds good to me. I'm convinced, thanks!

Fran said...

Jood~ This is a veritable marketing travel industry bonanza.

Souvenir t shirs come with a pre fab large alligator bite chomped off the back side of the shirt.

Texas has 100+ degree temps-- charge extra to ride in an air conditioned shuttle. $4 bucks for a small bottle of cold, nontoxic drinking water.

Add a tour of the multi million dollar *Wall of Freedom* border fence.

Buy stock in razor wire or 13 foot ladders.
Accessories for the border wall.

Dub it the Grand Canyon of Texas.

I'm thinking boat rides......

Stuffed Alligator replica toys

Zip line over the sludge

A tour of the Bush Crawford ranch?

What else am I missing?

enigma4ever said...

Swimming in the Deep End ?

Lagoon Cocktails ?

Alligator purses and shoes ?

Fishing at dawn, let people see WHAT they catch?

Lake Side Lunchs?

oooooh..How about a Lagoon Spa, with Waters from the Lake used for massages ?

Heli tours, like the do for the Posh in Hawaii..??

I have new photos up if you need them for the Broshures....

Fran said...

Sinkhole.... the all inclusive newest national park..

DivaJood said...

All y'all, I have been out at the ocean, boogy boarding. Shirking my duties as a Travel Professional.

Patriot, I am a Travel Professional. I don't care how the sinkhole was formed, if'n I can make a buck from it.

Enigma, you are in charge of all imagery for the brochure. Four color, glossy, lots of paper from endangered trees.

Fran, let's just SAY the water is non-toxic when we sell it. Who will know the difference for, what, ten years or so? As for a tour of the Border Fence, or Crawford Ranch, those are separate entities, and more expensive, but can be packaged into a three-day itinerary. And we should charge extra for machine gun support.

Oh, and Enigma, the lakeside spa is terrific. Put that crude oil floating at the surface to good use. An introductory special for Crude Oil Massage.

Sigh.

enigma4ever said...

oh my a Crude Oil Massage- welll WHO could pass that up....

I will keep looking for Images- I saw that you found the lovely Photo of Fred...

enigma4ever said...

( woow you went bogeybaording..sigh..very jealous...I still have my bogeybaord and wetsuit in my closet ;-)

Someday.......


anyways...nother thought...maybe we could have Summer Concerts on the Shore of the "Lake" - I mean Summer is coming...Like Whitney Houston, Vanilla Ice, Wayne Newton- wouldn't that be lovely....???

Frederick said...

They'll call anything a lake down there, lol.

DivaJood said...

Enigma, oh, Wayne Newton, I'm getting chills just thinking about it.

Frederick, I'm just jumping on this brilliant travel opportunity.

Utah Savage said...

You guys have done this sinkhole proud. There is nothing to add except kudos for the capitalistic fervor to exploit almost all the Texas horrors except a guided tour of the polygamist compound. In Utah we call them poligs or up in northern Utah pligs. It's a fortune waiting to be made.

DivaJood said...

Oh, Utah, that's a great idea. And people can try on prairie dresses. And for an extra charge, men can be photographed with a dozen women and 200 children, with the caption "I practiced Poligamy for a day and all I got was this lousy picture Tee-Shirt."

Fran said...

Wow! Who knew a sinkhole could be SO lucrative?

I was hoping you would not be mortified about the razor wire comment-- apparently the gvmnt is adding that element to the top of the wall of freedom Mexican border fence in hot spots.

Supply/demand- buy some stock into that commodity while it's hot. sell piece of razor wire to have a piece of american history.
Give me your tired, your poor, your razor wire....

I just thought of another ammenity to add--
outhouses. Pay per use.
Choose the basic baking the the hot sun rudimentary port-a-potty (ewww), or $5 bucks a flush for an air conditioned deluxe flusher.
Call it the Royal Flush package!

Best built on a floating pier design as the sinkhole expands.

Rewrite the Yellow Rose of Texas song calling it the Sinkhole of Texas. Theme song jingles give it a nice added touch!

enigma4ever said...

the Honey Buckets....Make sure some have a VIEW....and charge more...and the Wayne Newton Concert would definently need more Honey Buckets...
and perhaps DK could give Texanian Mini Courses...

About Fred...there should be Feeding Hours...and people could feed him Marshmallows and Watermelon ( their Favs...)

And NOW fore the Best Idea...A GOLF COURSE... so Bush would come and sink his damn lie....

( I have to admit this made me smile all weekend - which shows I need to travel more ;-)

D.K. Raed said...

Never let it be said that a texas sinkhole opportunity would be left unexploited.

A'course, ah cud koneduck minicars of the skeenery, usin mah verzhun a texanian. Ah'll be there dress in mah rooster cohstoomb cuz ah'm remine-in mysel of Foghorn Leghorn. Ah Say, Ah Say, step raht up an shoot yoursels a hole-in-one an win this polyg pie-oh-neer dress ta take home to the liddle laydees.

Minicars! We need minicar go-karts to be whizzing around the perimeter ... something for the kiddies to do ... charge 'em an extra few $$$ if they roll down into the sinkhole.

DivaJood said...

Fran, sorry I overlooked the razor wire - I actually had in mind exclusive necklaces and bracelets made from razor wire for the obscenely wealthy to wear. Sort of as a "mi casa, su casa" kinda statement.

As for the porta-johns, will there be signs to differentiate between "Men", "Real Men", "Extremely White Wealthy Men", "Women", "Delicate Princesses", and "Ever Body Else"?

Enigma, Oh, a GOLF Course. And of course, "Fred" the gator will be a hazard into himself. Let's feed "Fred" a clock, and every time Captain Decider hears the clock, he gets nervous.

DK, our guides are FLUENT in English, even though they speak Texanian. I'm just saying.

Fran said...

Status tiered restrooms-- now we are traveling back in TIME.

But if we are to make this work in Texas, I guess we need an Oil Tycoon level restroom too, maybe that will be in the country Club where only card holdin' Genuine tycoons have ac-cess.
I'm thinkin it could be called the Trump Dump or something with a twist like that?
Gu-ar-an-teeeed to have no gators nipping at your...parts.

enigma4ever said...

hmmmm and maybe a Larry Craig Stall or two..

DivaJood said...

Fran, Trump Dump - with gold plated fixtures. Lovely.

Enigma, oh, no, not the Larry Craig stall - that would require toilet paper with velcro to get stuck to shoe bottoms. Toilet paper is extra.

enigma4ever said...

oh silly me you are right....how about the golf course ?