Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I'm Jood, and I'm a grateful alcholic

Today is my 18th anniversary clean and sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. 18 on the 18th. The Hebrew letter for the number 18 is Chai, which means life.

18 years ago, my life was a mess. I was married, but I was in a suicidal depression, and wanted to die by becoming invisible. I wanted to fade into oblivion. Today, my life is rich, and full, and balanced. I'm surrounded by friends, and family. I'm divorced, but get along with my ex-. I have a job that is challenging, that I enjoy. I've found my voice in so many areas I'd forgotten I cared about - from my Improv class, to painting, to politics - I feel whole, and see the abundance in my life. This is so far from the constant despair I felt that I want to tell you all - I am a grateful alcoholic. Life is a journey.

25 comments:

Sue Woo said...

Happy Birthday Jood! I had made a note to write you today after reading a comment you left on another blog about how many sober days you've had. You done good!

DivaJood said...

Thanks Sue. It feels good.

Alicia said...

Happy Birthday, dear Jood, my sister in sobriety! Here's to many more. Much love, Alicia

DivaJood said...

Thanks Alicia! I'm so happy. My sponsor just said it has a nice sound to it, 18 years. We should go to a meeting together, girlfriend!

betmo said...

jood- i knew you were a strong, determined woman when i read your blog. happy chai life!!! is chai anything like the tea? :) celebrate your life and your posterity. "life is a journey not a destination."

robin andrea said...

Mazel tov, my friend. I am glad that your life is so rich and healthy now. May it always be so.

The Fat Lady Sings said...

Thank god you survived. Why is it we always seek to punish ourselves for what was done to us? I'm so glad you don't do that any more. Chai, my dear - may it always be rich and fulfilling.

pissed off patricia said...

I wish I could hug you tight as I say Congratulations and I'm proud of you. You did something that I used to wish and wish that my father would do. He thought he was strong but you're stronger because you took control of your life and made a difference.

This is the happiest story of my day today. Thank you so much for sharing your good, no, great news!

DivaJood said...

betmo: chai is a Hebrew letter that also means Life. Gutteral pronounciation, like the sound a cat makes just before it coughs up a hairball (Have you seen that one floating around? The bad metaphor post? Hilarious.) Chai Tea, with the soft ch sound, like church, is not related, but I like to drink it and make it at home.

Robin Andrea, thank you, my dear! I'm really a happy gal today. As long as I keep doing what keeps me sober, my life will remain good (no matter what is going on around me.)

TFLS: That is the $64,000 question. We are a puzzlement.

POP: Thank you! Virtual hugs are also nice and appreciated.

Now, I also want to tell everyone I cannot spell worth anything. I meant Alcoholic, not that strange way I posted it. Sigh.

glenda said...

Congratulations, i'm glad you made it. Bill W. has helped many a good soul.
Isn't it great to be alive?

DivaJood said...

Glenda, thanks. Bill W. has helped a lot of people, and yes, it's great to be alive.

Anonymous said...

You've talked to me so much over the last few years about what it means to make a living amends. Today I get it. It takes courage, consistency and a willingness to do it one day at a time. I'm also grateful for the path you've chosen because it's helped guide me on the path that I'm on. You've been a wonderful example to me and I love you so very much. Happy birthday!

BZ said...

DivaJood, I knew we had more incommon that not. Keep up the great work. I too was a young partier in my 20’s whose identity was made up of being a wild man. Last year, I decided to simply stop drinking and try and follow a more mellow life. I knew I was having a baby and needed to revaluate my priorities, well my year was up on the 3rd of July this year, and I have no desire to start drinking again any time soon. I have wanted to post on my feelings about booze and why I stopped, but the news and baby have kept me busy. I think you have motivated me to do so. You are an inspiration.

sumo said...

Good for you! It's not always easy to share something personal like that...you sound like you have alot of courage. It's nice to find positive and heart warming blogs like when you share your grand baby with us. Thanks DJ...

pohanginapete said...

Wonderful DJ. Congratulations, and much respect. And thanks — I, also, am grateful, because I get to enjoy your voice. :^D

Suzanne said...

Hats off to you DivaJood. I admire that you bounced back from the deep dark whole you found yourself in and have taken back your life. And what a life you have had since. Congratulations. And more virtual hugs for you. I'll have a good vanilla ... chai to you! ;-)

Sigrid Jardin said...

Happy 18th B'day Jood! You write from the position of a courageous, strong, and whole woman. Congratulations on finding yourself again and building a great life for yourself. You must be a role model for so many who are struggling.

DivaJood said...

To my anonymous daughter, you silly sneak. Knew it was you. Try corn starch on Ellie's prickly heat, and I love you.

BZ, babies will reprioritize a person in a really big way. Congratulations on your year. And its good to disagree on some things.

Sumo, thank you. I'm pretty anonymous in my public life, people know I don't drink but I don't discuss why. I just try to live my life in a way that is helpful.

Pete, thank you. I love to come over to your blog, I love the images a lot - your images are an inspiration.

Suzanne, thanks. Thanks for the virtual hugs, and virtual vanilla chai together.

Sigrid, thank you. I always laugh at the idea of me being any kind of role model, because I think of sitting in my basement with my bottle of wine watching bad British Sci-Fi.

dawn said...

Congrats, you are the true diva, I'm glad there are strong woman like you out there. I know by reading your blog younger woman will have hope.

DivaJood said...

Thanks Dawn. As long as younger women wear proper tin foil hats.

dawn said...

yes with there matching belly rings

Alicia said...

I'd love to go to a meeting with you, and give you a cake. Let's hook up soon.

DivaJood said...

Alicia, lets! I just got back from my new Big Book meeting - it's a new meeting, seven weeks old. I'll email you later.

anita said...

18 years. that is so amazing. congratulations. and thank you so much for this post. i'm discovering every day that sobriety is a miracle. and it is sooo very fragile. well, at least for me it is ... i have a miniscule fraction of that amount of time (heading on five months next week) and i worry every single day, almost every single minute, that i will, at some point, just throw it all away. thankfully, i have people who remind me (every single day) of where i was, and how different the place i am today is compared to that old ugly lonely bitter sick place.

again, congratuations. and, as they say ... thank you, so much, for sharing.

DivaJood said...

Anita, good on you for your five months. It is a journey, and you describe the kind of fear I had in my early days. Someone, early on, told me to break down the days to 1 minute intervals - a minute at a time. Or, if I was having a bad day, to start my day over.

The key is to not be a secret. To let your sponsor, and the people in your meetings, know who you are. Find some people who you can hang out with. Use the 30 ton phone. And you can always email me if you think you want to drink. I promise you, you will get better. It's a great life!