Monday, July 21, 2008
Diva Jood for President
It is official. I am announcing my candidacy for President, and my fabulous running mate is Sister Mary Ellen. We cover THREE minorities with this ticket: two women, one Jew (me) and a Catholic (Mary Ellen). The campaign is being managed by the charming and irrepressible Randal Graves, who is also responsible for our platform. Part of the platform is that everyone has to dress fabulously, or I won't play nicely. And the adorable okjimm is in charge of refreshments. He's promised root beer for me, real beer for the rest of you, and donuts for everybody.
I am accepting applications for all the cabinet positions - and if there is a new position you'd like to create, I will consider it. I do want somebody in charge of Reality TeeVee, because I think there should be a show where body parts of Republicans are fed to wolves. And I am also accepting applications for the Supreme Court, because four of those Justices have got to be removed. I mean, Antonin Scalia? Bad hair, bad dresser, bad attitude. Justice Alito? He's younger than I am, so he REALLY has to go. Chief Justice Roberts? I just don't like his name - I mean, a guy with two first names should not be Chief Justice.
I have no pledged delegates, no super delegates, but I do have a lovely tiara and opera gloves.
UPDATE: okjimm has suggested the following for the platform:
I would be of the humble and modest opinion that it would be MANDATORY that all sons and DAUGHTERS of our elected officials…. Congressmen, Judiciary, shit-the whole kit-kaboodle of them—- be automatically inducted into our Armed Services. If the parents are so eager to serve THEIR country…. so should the offspring! And why would such PARENTS object! The military offers excellent benefits and education opportunities! And a damn good chance to be killed! And kill others! Which I have ammended to state that would be MANDATORY that all sons and DAUGHTERS of our REPUBLICAN, CHICKEN-HAWK, NEO-CONSERVATIVE, WAR-MONGERING elected officials…. You know, the ones who really WANT war, not us.