Saturday, July 05, 2008

Two Random Snippets

1. Phone Conversation, starring Gramma, Beanie and Mommy

Beanie: (on speakerphone) Gramma I ate soap.
Gramma: Oh, baby, how did that happen?
Beanie: Yeah.
Mommy: (in background) Tell Gramma what you did!
Beanie: I spat out.
Gramma: That's good.
Beanie: Yeah.
Mommy: What else did you do?
Beanie: Rinse and spit. (starts making swishing noises, then spitting noises into the phone.)
Gramma: How did you get the soap in your mouth?
Beanie: Yeah. I got soap in my mouth.
Mommy: She thought it was a cookie.

2. At an AA Oldtimers Meeting

Speaker: I heard a guy say he started coming to AA meetings because he'd get a lot of sex. (She pauses, looks around.) Shit, I only ever got a jelly donut.


okjimm said...

I was gonna go to an AA meeting once. I thought it was about towing assistance. I guess I missed an A somewhere.

D.K. Raed said...

In our last house we had huge problem with ants in our shower. They were massed on the soap. Why, I asked someone at work, Why would ants be attracted to SOAP? Their advice: stop buying that fancy vanilla coconut aroma frenchy stuff and get some old fashioned dial. It worked.

I'm surprised more children don't sample the soap. It's very inviting smelling & the little round ones even look like cookies! Glad Beanie was smart enough to spit it out!

Border Explorer said...

Hey, is someone knocking jelly donuts??? signed Homer Simpson

Randal Graves said...

"What brought you to this lowly state?"
" was...soap...poisoning!"

Jelly donuts or sex, can't lose either way.

FranIAm said...

Donut? I got some coffee once, with cremora...


Jewgirl said...

But, let's not forget, at least jelly doughnuts cum. There is an upside. He might've gotten pussy. You got sweet jelly.

Fran said...

Maybe the gtranddaughter just wanted to know if she would hiccup bubbles?
Maybe she wanted to know what soap operas are all about?
Maybe she was going for that clean/fresh feeling they boast about in soap ads?

The AA meeting person was looking for good clean (& sober) sex, eh?

DivaJood said...

okijimm, that's actually a common mistake. but most people think they're just going to A.

DK, Beanie was quite proud of the fact that she learned to rinse and spit. She made like that for about 15 minutes. She's now a fountain of spit.

B.E., never, never would I knock jelly donuts. Especially if they have chocolate.

Randal, exactly. I thought there was a lovely commonality there.

FranIam, this is why I don't get coffee at meetings. The Cremora.

Jewgirl, I admit that for me, a jelly donut is preferable to pussy. Dick, on the other hand...

Fran, it's a common problem at AA meetings - people fall in love walking to the coffee pot. I personally believe that there is only room for one alcoholic in a relationship, and since I'm it, I need to have an adult male who never had a problem with booze.