Ode to Randal, Campaign Manager

Randal Graves, campaign manager extraordinaire, has come up with the platform to end all platforms for our assault on the White House campaign for the Presidency. My running-mate, The lovely Nunly is nothing but spiritual and holy, so we'll get the religious fanatics which will help keep us on a higher plane plain level. She's busy working to get media attention for us.

Here is a partial list of Cabinet and Supreme Court Positions:

Spartacus is FDA, DEA and FTD (someone needs to be in charge of flowers.)

Drdon is National Science Advisor and head of Reality TeeVee - "Republican Gladiators" will throw neo-con body parts to the wolves.

Dcup is head of the FCC, and she will wear Opera Gloves.

Utah Savage is Big Chief Justice of the Supreme Court,

Liberality will head up the EPA.

Mathman has taken Homeland Security, Education, Treasury, Baseball Commissioner and Football Commissioner, making him more powerful than god.

Fran is another Supreme Court Justice. She gets theme music, "Here come da judge, here come da judge."

DK Raed is so good at procuring, and expendables, that I want her to be Attorney General. It makes no sense, but I like the discord.

Susan will be Secretary of State, and promises to not get those scary devil eyes that Condi Rice has.

Cart is Australian, so he wants to have foreign affairs. Whatever.

Border Explorer has become our Press Secretary. Not that there is any serious pressing to be done, but still.

Okjimm is in charge of refreshments and good ideas.

JUST ADDED: Bradda will be Secretary of The Fence. This is such an important person, because he doesn't want to study war no more and he will sing "Don't Fence Me In" three times a day.

YET ANOTHER UPDATE: Agi has signed on to be minister of political affairs consultant/propaganda (photoshop). He should start with my fixation on firemen.

But Randal has come up with a 12 point platform. It was supposed to be 11 but he said that's a scary number.
1. Universal Health Care
2. Free donuts and beer for everyone (root or grainy)(the beer, not the donuts)
3. Protecting cemetaries or some other nonsense from thieves.
4. Slashing the Pentagon's budget so we can do something about hot globes.
5. Mandatory military service for pro-war citizens and their offspring, but not for the rest of us pinko liberal commie scum
6. Doing away with NCLB, which is really only there to waste paper for test taking, so it helps the hot globe thingie as well.
7. Fixing our infrastructure (roads, dams, levees, bridges, things that fall down in the night due to high winds, earthquakes, and generally shoddy workmanship)
8. Warrantless wiretapping will be limited to Republican targets.
9. No more sports championships for the cities of Noo Yawk and Bah-ston for awhile. And we've added Los Angeles to that list as well.
10. Cleaning out the Bush and Reagan and Ford Supremes from the Court. (Both Bush 1 and 2)
11. Hockey? WTF? HOCKEY? Oh, that falls under the Reality TeeVee arena, and as long as I can watch the Chicago Cubs at will, I'm jiggy with it.
12. People will dress fabulously as soon as we get rid of those pesky SUVs and high gas prices and switch to Solar Powered vehicles.

Did I miss anything? Leave anyone out? Remember, Mary Ellen and I are taking on Dr. Zaius as well as McBush McCain and Obama.