Monday, July 28, 2008

Serious Concerns About Campaign Ethics



While I do respect Dr. Zaius for his service to our nation, I question his attempts to influence potential cabinet positions. I had previously offered someone the position of Minister of UFOs position. I was under the impression that The Unconventional Conventionist had accepted the position, but apparently even my offer to double his salary from nothing to twice that, PLUS tossing in Minister of Appetizers and Happy Hour has not solidified his loyalties. I am, to say the least, disappointed.

And I am speaking off the cuff, because my speechwriter, Ingrid has been busy working on a decent stump speech for me. Meanwhile, I had to say something about how disgusting the sub-human Bill Kristol is.

As for this campaign, we are as much about happy underpants, chocolate, puppies, moonbeams, kittens and rainbows as the next person. Geezeloufuckingwheeze.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Marcel Duchamp.

24 comments:

Dianne said...

Kristol has that same swamp smirk on his pasty arrogant face as the rest of the fear-mongers.

They remind me of the bully back in grade school who thought no one would dare question or oppose.

Until somebody better came along and kicked his ass

Mary Ellen said...

Isn't there a law on the books that say that pasty faced media types cannot be allowed to spread their vile without an issued warning? If not, I think it's time a law be written and passed. More work for future President Diva Jood.

Look out, Chris Matthew's....your pasty faced mug along with Bill Kristol's will be off the air 10 minutes after Diva is sworn in. God Bless America!

DivaJood said...

Dianne, it's time someone kick sand in Bill Kristol's face, and the Diva/Nunly Campaign is the one to do it.

Nunly, umm, am I supposed to work? To quote Bill Kristol, "yikes."

DCup said...

Just remember - you need to be a regular "guy," but don't be too nice. Nice doesn't win.

an average patriot said...

Funny! I was reading this not knowing what ti say until I saw the scum Kristol's name. I am very concerned that even if it is behind the scenes the likes of him, Limbaugh, and Rove, are going to turn the DNC into a major nightmare and embarrassment! Good luck with the speech!

Mary Ellen said...

Diva- Of course you don't have to work! Silly! You just need to dole out the work to other people while you lay on the beach...or if you are hiding in a designated safe haven or something.

Bradda said...

You can't take your eyes off of Dr. Z for a second Diva! He'll never cooerce me...

DivaJood said...

DCup, does that mean I have to be interviewed standing in the cheese aisle?

Patriot, Limbaugh is not allowed to cover the Diva/Nunly campaign.

Mary Ellen, thank you for reassuring me - you are such a great choice for VEEP, really. When do I get to answer the red telephone?

Bradda, you make a great Secretary of The Fence, because you are loyal. Dr. Z is quite manipulative, I get it.

DCup said...

Nah - no cheese aisle. I think you should shake things up a bit and stand in the feminine hygiene product aisle. Or next to the condom and KY display!

Mary Ellen said...

Diva--I may have missed this in my absence, but does our party have a symbol? You know, like the Republicans have and elephant and the Democrats have a Donkey...what are we going to use? How about a sloth?
They look like such happy animals,don't you think? Not to mention...it's time to put the idea that laziness is a bad thing. What's wrong with reserving your energy?

Any other ideas? I guess we don't need an animal for a symbol, we could always use a vegetable or something, as long as it isn't broccoli cuz that's not my favorite vegetable.

Madam Z said...

Reading about your candidacy has made my underpants very happy!

Madam Z said...

I must tell you, though. There will be some competition. The "Z Party" will be in the running. If you wish to be forewarned, check my blog in about five minutes...

okjimm said...

What!!!??? No CHEESE aisle??? Awwww, don't be breaking my heart....every GREAT campaign needs interviews in cheese aisle.... gees, there is nothing more American than cheese!

Fact is&stuff...as the Director of Refreshments....I recommend that everyone in America has at least 2 cheese sandwichs a week! ( 3 during lent, 4 during passover)

susan said...

I think you'd draw more attention doing an interview in the ladies lingerie department at Tarjay. It has all the advantages including some real cheese.

Dr. Zaius is putting up a good contest but he's never gonna get that thing off the ground.

Steve Bates said...

Happy birthday to Marcel Duchamp. For the occasion, we can all put on Ella singing, "Urinal smoothie; I'm an old softie..."

<emily_litella_voice> What's that? Oh. Well. That's completely different. </emily_litella_voice>

DivaJood said...

DCup, you know, KY Jelly has many uses besides being a personal lubricant. I think it might even help relieve chest conjestion.

Nunly, we are the "shit from shinola" party, but no animal symbol. I love the sloth, but Madame Z found Zeke. Although I think she's planning on running Zeke. The Sloth works.

Madame Z, I question where your loyalties lie - is it with us, or with Zeke? Really. Bad enough we've got that Monkey to deal with.

Okjimm, wowzers, I just bought me some great cheddar cheese at Trader Joe's today. Toasted cheese for lunch. Yummy.

Susan, I LOVE Tarjay - it's the stock up store. In Australia, some folks I met told me they call it the Red Circle Boutique.

Steve, rotflmao. Too funny.

Bradda said...

But the sloth is McCain's spirit guide!

Randal Graves said...

I knew this campaign would get nasty. For my part, I will no longer praise UC's musical abilities, that sell out bastard.

Spartacus said...

'Jood - Remember what Ricky Nelson sang many years ago... "if you can't please everyone, you've got to please yourself..." heh heh!

DivaJood said...

Bradda, McCain doesn't have a spirit to guide.

Randal, I agree - talk about shallow. And I thought OUR campaign was all about shallow.

Spartacus, would that have anything to do with standing in front of the KY Jelly and Condom aisle?

Dr. Zaius said...

Ha! Campaign ethics? I will have you know that my campaign has the finest campaign ethics that money can buy!

DivaJood said...

Dr. Z, and I thought that being a Diva meant being shallow. Obviously, Simians have us beat.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

Hah!

DivaJood said...

UC, Hah yourownself. Talk about shallow - you make ME look deep.