Monday, December 11, 2006

Maybe its not in my head

I thought I was turning into a slacker. But no. I have this:

Mild depression, stiff muscles, swollen joints, insomnia, headaches, vertigo, nausea, fatigue and such excruciating pain that at times I can hardly get out of bed.

I'm told by a friend of mine that it sounds a lot like Fibromyalgia, which I have rejected out of hand for a long time. But these symptoms, and others, including pain in 18 of the identified trigger points, are starting to get me absolutely down. Here's the thing. My knees hurt so much right now that I can't think straight. It's been hard to maintain enough attention to go visiting blogs. I don't WANT this. I have always considered Fibromyalgia to be not so real, but this is getting to a point where I feel flat out insane.

What's the next step? I don't know a doctor to go to for this. I hate going to doctors anyway, so this is really not something I want to address. One day I think I should give up all wheat products. Then I think no, I'm not allergic to wheat. Then I think this is all in my head. I mean, I used to be a long distance bicycle rider, for chrissake.

So if I am lax, or not visiting as much as usual, it's not because I don't love your blog. It's because I feel really really shitty. I need cheering up, in the form of beautiful images, or funny stories. Which reminds me, I am accepting photos for Good Planets. Please get them to me at jkblue AT cox DOT net by Friday so I can post!


pekka said...

I have a lump in my throat and a strange ache in my chest after reading your post. It's not an overreaction and I want to explain why.

A few years ago I suddenly hit "the brick wall" 100mi/h. I have always been into sports and one day suddenly in a gym strange weakness came over me. Little by little I got more and more tired and some days I felt like a dead man walking. I visited the doctor and got all tests done and everything came out as OK, except that I kept feeling absolutely rotten and sluggish. Making a long story short, I was finally diagnosed of having Chronic Fattigue Syndromme. Although my ailment is not as painfull as Fibromayalgia, they are related or possibly even the same disease.

I love to be in control of my body and with CFS I had to give away a lot of that control. So will you, and the life as it was before is done. However, this does not mean that it's over. You have to learn to live with this monster and accomondate the special requirements it forces upon you. There are people that get better and there is no reason why you couldn't be one of them. My personal advice, which I didn't follow myself, is to "listen" to your body and take a rest when it it's needed. My big mistake was to charge ahead no matter what (macho shit) and now I propably will live with CFS for the rest of my life or at least until there is a cure. Please, please, take it easy because I feel that it's the only way you can increase your chances to get rid of it!

I still selfishly hope that you keep blogging. I really appreciate your wisdom and humor which gives to this CFS patient an injection of a much needed adrenalin.

Tina said...

Oh Diva, I'm so sorry to hear this. My big sister (she's 9 yrs older than me) was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a few yrs back, and I've seen firsthand how devastating the effects can be on a relatively young and otherwise healthy person.
What has helped her the most are alternative methods of pain relief (and b/c she had to break free from the Vicodin/ Oxy meds the doctors were so quick to slap her on). She takes a "stetching" swim class, takes Colostrum supplements and sleeps on a 4 inch memory-foam mattress pad that Hubby and I bought for her and her husband last yr for Christmas (we bought it at for a great price, check em out) and take care of yourself Diva... fibro is no joke and the pain is for real.

Peacechick Mary said...

I too hate to go to doctors as it seems to open up a can of worms, but I have also been pleasantly surprised at other times to find the dire illness was just something easily fixed. I do think it's important to mention your recent travels to whomever you visit.

DivaJood said...

Pekka, thank you for your kind words. CFS sucks, I've seen others just wiped out by it, and I hope you have more good days than bad. I'm not officially diagnosed, haven't been to a doctor yet. And I won't stop blogging, but this week, I'm on slow-motion. My hands, neck, back and knees are just really, really painful. And my stress-induced nausea is acting up again. I keep telling myself it's because I'm pissed off at my boss because he expects me to be at work on time, rather than ten minutes late, but my friend with Fibro tells me to see a doctor.

Tina, that's a good suggestion about the mattress. And there is no way I will, or can, take Vicodin or Oxycontin. What is Colostrum? Anyway, I've been "sucking it up" and this week just hit a wall.

PCMary, in terms of patterns: every time I return from a trip, I really don't bounce back well. It didn't occur to me that perhaps, just maybe, this might be related. I do have a real honest to god vacation scheduled for January 1 - 8, going to Tahiti, Moorea, and Bora Bora for a week, and I swear I intend to do nothing but rest, snorkel, and read. And maybe I need to drink more water too.

robin andrea said...

I, too, wondered if your sudden illness might be travel-related. If you haven't been to a doctor, maybe you could go for a few blood tests to rule out anything that needs immediate intervention with conventional stuff, like antibiotics.

I hope your real vacation will do the trick. Rest is often the best medicine for most things. Take care.

DivaJood said...

Robin, that's a good idea, except for the part about doing blood tests, which means sticking needles in my arms, which I avoid at all possible costs. I'm really exhausted, but this is not a sudden illness, and I have good days, then a slew of bad days, then a lot of good days. More good than bad - and this week I just feel hit by a two by four.

Pursey Tuttweiler said...

Oh Diva,
Not you too. Bless you my dear. Mumsy and Sissy and Auntie all have the fibromyalgia. I even have a male cousin that was diagnosed with the fibromyalgia and it rarely strikes men.

I do think that robin andrea is on to something, it could be a virus like cytomegalovirus, (sp?).

Please take care. The doctors have to do a process of elimination to see what you have. You may ask them if it is possible you have contracted Lyme disease or even that mosquito borne illness, the name which I cannot remember.

Big hugs if they do not hurt too much. Bless you my dear friend.

pekka said...

Diva, I like to add just a little more before I shut up my yap.

I suppose, there are ways to diagnose wheter you have Fibro or smothing else. With CFS it's a sort of weird task ruling out all other possibilities and in the absence of them - you have CFS. Anyhow, it's good to have "an official lable" what the ailment is.

If you have it, and I am hoping you dont, be prepared now on for two major negatives by your friends and associates. One: everybody "knows" how you should conduct you rehabilitation. Two; only one in ten really believes that you have debilitating condition. The most people will think you being attention seeking and spoiled nagger. The "problem" is that to others you look like before - healthy.

Tina gave you valid suggestions, and you may gain something good by conversing with her. Please, keep us posted!

DivaJood said...

Pursey, thank you for the kind thoughts. Lyme disease is a possibility, if I was bitten by a tick in Bhutan - which may well have happened. I don't know. But a dear friend emailed me and said go to a specialist, and tell that doctor about my recent travels - but my family does have Fibro, Lupus, and RA along with OsteoArthritis (we ALL have Osteo). This week has been absolutely sucky, and my knees and lower back feel like absolute shite.

Pekka, I know that Fibro is diagnosed the same way CFS is diagnosed, a process of elimination. And you're right about the reaction of friends and associates; I personally have fallen on the side of "knowing" and also not really believing the reality of it, specific to a friend of mine who has Fibro. She smokes like a chimney, drinks Coke round the clock, refuses to drink water, eats all kinds of unhealthy foods, and simply whinges all the time. So I just think she uses it to get attention, rather than really having a problem. Yes, I can be quite judgmental. And I don't want to be like her!